Thaw
by Pardon the Insanity
Summary: Regardless of its coldness, winter always succumbed to spring. And somehow, Sesshoumaru had to wonder if Rin would make him the same.
1. Chapter 1

Soo... this is my entry into the fanfic contest that is going on at a moonlight-flower .com. The theme is spring, which I obviously have never explored before. XD That made this rather difficult to write, seeing as how I had felt as though I had covered everything I possibly could on that topic.

Anyway, so I would like to post this here in the chapters I had originally intended, but over on moonlight-flower, I did post the story as one mohonkin thing. Just incase somebody was dying to know what happens for some reason... or if somebody was interested in voting.

Ehem, regardless, I hope that I managed to do something a little different, and that those who read it enjoy it!

* * *

Rin's hand stilled as she moved to touch the branch before her. She paused briefly before drawing her hand back within the warmth of her sleeves and turning to look at her lord. "And I am allowed to come as well?"

Lord Sesshoumaru held her glance just long enough for her to read the affirmation in his eyes. Instantly, she felt a smile tug at her lips, and she returned to the center of their camp. She had been more interested in the buds growing on the plum trees than the one-sided conversation Jaken had been holding with Lord Sesshoumaru. As soon as she had heard that Lord Sesshoumaru had business to see to with one of his allies, she had not paid any special attention to what was being said; in the past, whenever he had to accomplish such matters, Rin had always found herself deposited at the palace until these things were completed. It wasn't until she had realized that, due to the date he was supposed to arrive and their present location, it would be next to impossible to take the time to go to the palace first.

She had never visited the palace of another demon before and could not help but wonder what was different about this situation. Of course, she was not about to pry into the matter for fear that Lord Sesshoumaru might change his mind. Although it was not something that happened with much frequency, there had been enough occurrences over the years to make her wary of pushing her luck.

When she moved to sit by the small fire that had been going since dinner, Lord Sesshoumaru spoke without looking at her. "You should rest now; we will leave before dawn."

For a moment she considered him, his back to the camp as he looked off into the woods, before she walked over to where Ah-Un was laying. The dragon had always been accommodating, and as soon as she drew near he uncurled his tail slightly, allowing a small gap for her to lie in. Lately the weather had started to become milder as spring approached, but there was a chill in the air that hinted to a cold night.

Rin continued to watch Lord Sesshoumaru over the scales of Ah-Un's tail. The firelight threw strange shadows against his white figure as he stood motionless, only the faint breeze moving his pelt and hair faintly. Shivering, Rin turned her face away from the touch of the wind, but Lord Sesshoumaru's image still lingered in her mind.

In the ten odd years she had been following him, she realized that she had learned next to nothing about him. There were some general things she knew about his ambitions, and she had grown to become fairly confident with her ability to detect his mood. Things near the surface, his actions and mannerisms, had become so familiar to her that they were as recognizable as her own. When it came to those things close to him – his history, his true emotions, his thoughts – she knew nothing.

Distantly, in the shadow-laden memories of her life as daughter to simple peasants, she remembered her mother saying that people often acted in manners like the seasons; Rin was like the spring, she said, displaying everything openly and without reserve, a celebration of all things joyful and beautiful.

She turned this thought over in her head, considering the truth of its application. If she was spring, she figured that Lord Sesshoumaru could be nothing else but winter, even though it was true that his manner in regards to her had always differed from how he dealt with everybody else. To most, he displayed either cool apathy or icy disdain; he was someone to be avoided, his outward calm often deceptively lethal.

But never to her. In the past few years, it had been something that had grown to weigh heavily on her thoughts as she realized she would never be able to understand why she was different from all others. She was some strange exception to all of those beliefs and principles he otherwise followed unfailingly.

Or, at least, she was the exception to most. For a moment Rin frowned, wishing that she could hold onto her initial frustration at this thought – it felt so much more powerful than the sadness that it eventually dwindled into. But she knew she could not hold onto it, and she quickly succumbed to the emotion that had lingered at the edges of her thoughts for the past few years.

She longed for the simple happiness of her youth, when her thoughts had held nothing but the joy of living. She had been filled with happiness until it had spilled and overflowed into every action and word. How could she have not felt such elation when she enjoyed the beauty of meadows and woods, the songs of birds and brooks, the touch of sun and wind?

And at the center of it all had been Lord Sesshoumaru, for he had been the one who had repeatedly provided her with the chance to experience all these things. She might have been dear to him, but he was everything to her. Protector and provider, teacher and companion, in some manner he had managed to accommodate every unfilled role in her life.

For years, she had been more than content with this until she had convinced herself that nothing would ever change. Perhaps it was because of this that she had taken so long to realize her own heart and the hole that had slowly grown there. Even when she had finally admitted that she felt an empty ache that seemed impossible to placate, it had still been seasons until she realized what it meant.

There was another role that needed to be filled.

It had been shocking when she realized that what she wanted was a lover, somebody who would care for her and love her in some way she could not put words to. And even more shocking was the fact that she wished it would be Lord Sesshoumaru.

But that was where she had forced herself to stop. While it was clear that he did care for her, she could not expect such things from him. She might have been raised above all others in his eyes, but she was still far below him. Beneath the lavish uchikakes and carefully tutored manners, she was still the human daughter of peasants; he would never stoop to her level, and she could never ask him to do so.

All the same, that could not end the dreams. In her heart, she had always loved him, and her realization had only deepened it, made it even more all encompassing than before. As time had passed, it had become a point of almost bitter humor that she had somehow managed to keep her feelings from him for so long, but perhaps it was difficult for him to detect such an emotion. Regardless of her feelings, Rin often found it hard to imagine Lord Sesshoumaru, so distant and cold, loving anybody the way she loved him.

She squeezed her eyes together, trying to hush the flurry of thoughts and feelings. This train of thought had been explored multiple times before; there was no sense in losing additional sleep over it. Lord Sesshoumaru wished to leave early in the morning. She did not want to make him wait.

- - - -

Very suddenly, there was sun trying to press its way through her eyelids.

Frowning, Rin slowly forced her eyes to open, distantly finding the task to be much harder than it should have been. She slowly rose and blinked at her surroundings, stuck somewhere between shock and wonder.

Sometime in the night, snow had begun to fall and still continued; the landscape that the day before had just begun to breathe the whispers of spring had been silenced, muffled in diamond flakes deep enough to coldly bite her ankles when she tried to move through it. She hugged herself against the brush of the wind and tried to remember the last time she had been away from the palace when it had been this cold.

"Where is Lord Sesshoumaru?" Rin asked Jaken, who had been watching her disapprovingly from the edge of the long dead fire.

"Do you think he would just wait here when you decided to sleep the day away?" Jaken sulked; he was apparently irritated that he had been left behind. "He went on ahead. We are supposed to follow immediately."

"Is it really that late?" Rin frowned up at the sky, but could not see through the snow-laden clouds to judge the height of the sun.

Jaken merely sighed, a sign that he had many fitting replies but did not think it possible to pick the best in a timely manner. "Just hurry up."

This Rin tried to accomplish to the best of her abilities, helping clean up what few things they had for their camp and then following Jaken through the blinding white landscape. As they went, she hoped that he knew where he was going; already, she would have become hopelessly lost.

As the hours stretched on, however, it became harder and harder to think of such things. She wished that they had been able to ride Ah-Un to the palace; Jaken had explained that it would be too easy to miss the palace with every landmark coated in snow. Even though she had woken up only a few hours before, she already felt tired, and her body was starting to ache, although if from the cold or just exertion she could not decide.

This she kept to herself. With Jaken already in a sour mood, she did not want to do anything to tempt him into unleashing any verbal attacks. Usually, she was quite willing to banter with him, but at the moment it felt incredibly distasteful.

Finally they reached the palace, and Rin could not hold back the relieved sigh that escaped her lips. In the scope of things she had gone through before, the day's journey had been nothing. All the same, she felt a deep weariness pressing into her chilled body, and the thought of soon being near a fire filled her mind.

Their presence was clearly anticipated; two servants were waiting to take them to their respective rooms. Rin was too tired to take much notice of the distaste in her guide's face; she was too used to such expressions to be very concerned. All the same, she did try her best to be as polite as possible, aware that her behavior would reflect greatly on Lord Sesshoumaru. He had finally allowed her to come with him to the domain of another lord, and she would prove that she could be responsible with such an honor.

As soon as she had washed up, she was supposed to go to a room at the end of the hall to the left where she would find Lord Sesshoumaru and be introduced to her host. Much of the court was still in their winter lodgings farther south; the lord and a few others had come ahead to prepare the northern palace for the rest of the court to arrive in a few weeks.

With this knowledge, Rin felt that she might be able to guess at a part of Lord Sesshoumaru's reasoning for allowing her to come. She did not mind that it was acceptable because not many would be present; although she was not as adverse to crowds as Lord Sesshoumaru, living apart from people for so long prevented her from feeling truly comfortable around them. She felt a touch of the stress that had pressed into her thoughts lessen.

After she finished being introduced to the lord, she would be shown back to her room by a servant who would aid her during her time at the palace. Nothing formal was planned for the night, so her evening meal would be brought to her once she returned. She thanked the servant, who bowed stiffly and exited the room.

For a moment, Rin tried to take in her surroundings. The room was spacious and elegantly decorated, finely woven tapestries lining the walls between delicately painted screens. The light of the lantern on the low table flickered lazily and she noticed that her belongings had been set next to it; she could not even remember the servant bringing them in.

Trying to turn her attention back to the necessary tasks at hand, she opened her packs to carefully remove the clean kimono and uchikake. When she had been packing to leave two weeks earlier, she had been a bit irritated and confused when Jaken insisted that she bring extra clothes. It required so much care to pack them correctly, and they were so heavy; she hated to think about burdening Ah-Un any more than was necessary. Apparently Jaken had been well aware that she would be with them during this visit, but had just not thought that such information needed to be revealed to her.

On most days, she would have been a little irritated with this, but it didn't seem terribly important at the moment. It was just nice to be able to get out of her clothes, damp from the snow that had clung to the fabric and soaked through every layer, and into something clean and dry.

By the time she had finished retying her obi, some warmth had finally returned to her fingers. For as miserable as she had been starting to feel when they arrived, Rin now thought that she might be able to make it through the afternoon without too much effort. With the new warmth, it even felt like some of the haze in her mind was clearing, so hopefully she would manage to keep her manners in check.

After running her hands through her hair to make sure that it was lying flat, she stepped out of the room and headed in the direction the servant had indicated. She followed the hall, listening to every small noise she could detect in the stillness as she quickly became overwhelmed by the unfamiliarity of the palace. Even though the directions had been simple, she began to feel nervous that somehow she had misunderstood where to go until she gradually caught the first hum of conversation.

Even though she could not guess at his actual words, just the sound of Lord Sesshoumaru's voice managed to calm her. To her, his voice would always be the sound of safety; there was nothing she should be afraid of when he was close enough to hear.

Slowing as she reached the entrance, Rin carefully looked into the room, unable to remember if she should go in or wait for them to finish their discussion. When both pairs of eyes instantly turned to her, however, she realized her foolish oversight; it was likely that they had been able to hear her shuffling down the hall ages ago.

With a hint of embarrassment, she bowed. "Please forgive me for intruding. If you are busy, I can return later."

She had bowed again and just started to turn to retreat into the hall, but the other voice spoke before she could exit. "So, this is the Rin I have heard so much about."

Raising her head, Rin looked into a pair of vibrant green eyes before instantly lowering her gaze again. She felt a touch of surprise as she considered her impressions from that brief glance; while the scrutiny and curiosity was openly evident, there was something of a softness to his eyes, a sort of interest that went further than the simply rudimentary. It was a quality she had not encountered in the coldness of other demons.

Finally, something in the air relaxed from the tension Rin had not noticed until it was absent. In that moment, she realized that some impression of her had been made, but she could not say exactly what had been decided.

Thankfully, there did not seem to be any requirement for her to fill the growing silence. "You may enter. It feels quite refreshing to meet a younger person who is not entirely boisterous and self-important." At this he turned to Lord Sesshoumaru and smiled. "For a human child with such an unorthodox upbringing, she seems to have managed to learn those manners that are of importance."

Lord Sesshoumaru made no response to this, instead glancing at Rin for a brief moment as she entered the room before he turned his attention away. This, however, had still been more than enough; she had seen the faint pride hidden deep in his eyes, and it was enough to make her almost ecstatic.

She sat on a cushion somewhat removed from them, wishing to allow them as much space to work on their present projects as she could. Scrolls were scattered in the space between them, some spread across the length of the low tables while others were still neatly rolled. While it was clear that there was some sort of order to the arrangement, Rin could not see it. To her, it looked like nothing more than a chaotic mass.

They began to discuss various aspects of empire, most of which Rin either did not understand or could not appreciate. It was interesting to listen to Lord Sesshoumaru's few remarks, however. While she was always aware of his power and prestige, it was not too often that she truly thought of him as a ruler. Whenever he had seen to the running of his lands, he had done so while at the palace, where she was unlikely to see him. She had never thought of him in this function of his position; hearing him speak of things like the state of the major trade roads and the productivity of various rice paddies almost made her choke down a laugh.

Servants came in with tea and then removed the empty cups some time later. Rin felt surprisingly comfortable, at least emotionally; there was nothing threatening or demanding about the situation or those who were present; the Lord Atsuhiko had not even gone through the formalities of a proper introduction, merely offhandedly mentioning his name some time later. While she did not know how long Lord Sesshoumaru intended to remain, she thought that she should be perfectly happy for the duration of their stay.

The soft conversation had fallen almost to an indistinct hum in the warm room when Rin felt a touch upon her shoulder. Although she tried to shake off the lethargy that had fallen on her so gradually that she had not noticed, it took a moment before she fully came back to her surroundings. A female demon knelt next to her, a touch of concern recognizable in her dark eyes. "My name is Aoi. I am to take you to your room now," she said softly.

Rin blinked a few more times, and then nodded. "Thank you," she murmured as she rose slowly. She wished that there had been a wall or pillar of some sort nearby; the room seemed to spin as she tried to stand straight.

The conversation had become silent now, and Rin bowed slowly to the lords. Managing such a simple task suddenly seemed very impressive; the fog that had hovered over her mind earlier had finally fallen. When she straightened, she noticed that Lord Sesshoumaru was frowning slightly, and she wondered if perhaps she had still managed to forget something. Still, she found that she could not dwell on the matter as Aoi beckoned for her to follow her from the room.

The hallway seemed to stretch on forever, the distance growing with each step she took. After a while, she finally turned her eyes to the floor in the hope that perhaps not seeing the distance would make it shorter. Perhaps this helped, because it did not seem to be very long after that when the servant finally opened the screen to her room. After helping her in, Aoi led her to sit on a cushion by the table before sitting next to her and considering her silently.

It did not take long for Rin to become uncomfortable under her stare. "Is everything alright?" she asked quietly.

Frowning slightly, the demoness sighed. "That is what I am trying to decide." In one liquid motion, she rose and had moved half the distance to the screen. "I am going to bring you your dinner; I will not make any decisions until then."

Rin could not understand what she meant, but did not get a chance to ask for clarification. In the next moment, the screen had shut again, and she was left in the silence of the room.


	2. Chapter 2

Holy crap, I totally forgot that I was posting this as chapters and not just one big thing. I'm very sorry to those who have been waiting! I'll make sure I get the rest up in a timely manner.

... On another note, I won the contest. Much glee.

* * *

The last hushed sounds of feet on the wooden floor had finally silenced when Atsuhiko looked at him. "She is a sweet girl. I have no objections to your strange habit of allowing her to follow you."

Sesshoumaru paused while rolling up the scroll in his hands. "Your approval was of great importance in regards to my decisions on the matter."

While he had anticipated the laughter that followed this statement, Sesshoumaru could not quite decide on his feelings to this reaction. Regardless of his tone, the words had been more sardonic than he generally would have expressed; there were so few with whom he was comfortable displaying such mannerisms that it inevitably felt strange when he did.

Atsuhiko brushed his scrolls to a corner of the table, still smiling. "I thought so; your concern was pitifully apparent." He gestured to the servants waiting outside the room, who cleared the table and replaced the area covered by scrolls with a sake set. "Now that we have finished with those dull matters, shall we reminisce on the past or attempt to act as though we never left it?"

Sesshoumaru considered him silently until Atsuhiko sighed. "You've become so dull in the last few centuries."

"Entertaining you is not my concern."

"Obviously." Atsuhiko filled the two choko, drinking his own as he offered the other to Sesshoumaru.

It was a moment more before Sesshoumaru slowly took the sake. He watched Atsuhiko pour his own refill, and for the briefest moment his thoughts touched far into his past, to a similar scene ages ago.

But it was brief. A useless reminder of a time far removed from the issues of the present, it would do nothing to aid him now; no memory would. It was necessary to acknowledge the events of the past, but it was pointless to dwell on them. He drank the sake and closed his mind to all recollections.

Atsuhiko bright eyes were considering him carefully when he finished. "I believe we have known each other long enough that I may be forgiven for speaking candidly."

"Presumptuous." It was as close to permission to continue as he would give.

Atsuhiko knew this. "It has been at least twenty years since I last saw you, which is understandable considering how much I have heard that you've done in this time. Yet hearing such things through secondary sources is not necessarily to be trusted. I would much rather learn the true stories."

It seemed like a straightforward request, but Sesshoumaru was aware of what Atsuhiko really wanted to learn. It was what countless other allies had inquired about before. "You mean that you wish to hear the truth about Rin." It was not a question; he knew he was correct.

"I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that you realized that," Atsuhiko said, smiling slightly. "Yes, she is my greatest interest, but I spoke truly about my desires – I wish to know the truth from the rumors."

"It is no concern of yours."

"No, it is not," Atsuhiko conceded. "Yet, all the same, I should still like to know. It was not until you arrived this morning and announced that she would be here within the day that I was even convinced of her existence. Now I am curious about what else is true."

"Unless you have heard conflicting reports, I should assume that most things are true."

Atsuhiko looked amused by the prospects of this, but did not say anything. Eventually his smile disappeared, leaving only the faint traces of curiosity behind. "But I would like to know what she is to you."

This instantly earned a cool glare, the implications of which were simultaneously understood. Sighing, Atsuhiko held up a hand. "Fair enough. I will not question you about her."

Sesshoumaru did not even consider responding, too irritated with the question to think of something to say. It actually wasn't the fact that Atsuhiko had been bold enough to voice such a question that irritated Sesshoumaru; it was the fact that he had considered the question himself.

What was she to him? That had always lingered in the back of his mind, nagging him with varying intensity. It had been simpler when he had first resurrected her; at least then he had been able to attempt to excuse such a strange action on a desire to test Tensaiga. Such pretense had quickly become impossible to maintain, so that he had been forced to admit that she was precious to him for reasons entirely outside of his understanding. While that had been severely frowned upon – even by him – most were able to overlook it because she had been so young.

Now, however, he had found himself unable to escape the rumors even though he tried desperately to do so. It had always been easy to be unbothered by the whispers he did not hear; once he knew, however, the story changed entirely.

For the past few years, and with greater frequency, he had found himself being identified with his father. As far as prestige was concerned, Sesshoumaru could find no objections – while he possessed great power, he was aware that he was still far from having the influence his father had wielded. But while many did speak of his power, that was merely a portion of the equation, a supporting piece of the rumors. Where the rumors truly lay was in the belief that he had inherited his father's taste for human women.

And what was worse than the fact that such rumors existed was that he could understand why they did. Somehow in the midst of all the chaos and violence that had shadowed her youth, Rin had managed to maintain much of the demeanor of her childhood. She had proven herself to be quite intelligent during her disrupted education, and there had grown to be a gentle attractiveness to the simplicity of her human features. Although on occasion she could be moved to fiercely powerful emotions, for the majority of the time she exuded a tempered joy. It could have been a point of secret pride that she had grown into such a woman, if it had not caused such scandal.

It was with a touch of indignation that Sesshoumaru considered the fact that, really, there was no winning in this. Either she became a well-mannered lady as she had and caused gossip that she was his mistress, or she could have been unruly and proven everybody's predictions correct. In either case, he would receive additional scorn and derision. While this would not usually have bothered him, it was always those things that had to do with Rin that managed to evoke a response within him.

He finished the remainder of his sake, restraining the sigh pressing against the back of his throat. For the thousandth time, he wondered what he was doing with that girl. It was time for him to stop acting like he could hold onto her youth indefinitely, dragging her all across Japan for absolutely no purpose. She was a distraction, an impediment, and a liability.

He was being illogical in keeping her with him now, both for her sake as well as his. Perhaps she thought of those things the girls her age at the palace always spoke of, of husbands and children and households to oversee. Maybe she wished for them for herself, but never said as much. And as long as he kept her, she never would say anything about these desires. She would be silent and follow him forever if he let her, allowing any dreams she held for herself to pass beyond recall, withered flowers never permitted to bloom.

But even as Sesshoumaru thought these things, he felt the faint tightness in his chest that he always did when he tried to think of what it would be like without Rin. He had risked his life more than once for her sake, and it seemed that on each occasion she had somehow slipped further into his being, into his heart. It was ridiculous that such a guileless girl had unwittingly managed to break through every barrier he had placed around himself, and had done so in barely ten years.

Perhaps he had become more like his father than he would care to admit.

It was a consideration that had become difficult to dismiss. Try as he might, he could not completely deny the rumors to himself when he did not fully understand his feelings in regards to Rin. She was precious to him beyond all other things, but did that mean he loved her? And even if he did – already he had admitted, years ago, that he must in some capacity – what did that mean?

Such things had been clear in the past. While it had taken the most painful struggle to understand, he had learned what he had felt for her when she was a child. Yet then, something seemed to have changed. He had always accepted that sometime she would mature from the girl she was when she had stumbled across him. When it had become necessary to buy her new kimonos as she grew, it had been anticipated. When she made the transition from a child to a woman, he had already prepared himself. If he had not been able control her changes, then at least he had been able to maintain control over his reactions to them.

But for all his planning, it seemed that he had made some grievous oversight along the way. When Rin's growth had finally stopped, leaving her as the cheerful young woman she now was, it had been as though he was finally allowed to release his breath. Change was instable, and he had not been able to anticipate the person she would be when all was finished. He had not considered what he would do if she became someone he could no longer feel concern for, and when she had proven to be little different than she before, it had almost been a relief.

In fact, with her age, her companionship had become even more pleasant. While he was still as rarely inclined to reply as before, there was something pleasant about the sound of her voice when she spoke to him, or on those occasions when she jokingly sang the songs from her childhood. When he did speak with her, he found her words were oddly refreshing; while she had grown to have all the sophistication of the nobles he often dealt with, she was always honest, no schemes or prerogatives hidden within her words.

So for a while he had felt comfortable as everything once again settled into a new rhythm. Perhaps it was because of this, the complacency of consistency, that he had not realized that there were ways in which he had changed as well.

All his concern for how Rin would change had made his appreciation for how she had not greater than it might have been. It could have been this appreciation that had caused him to take more time to consider her than he once had – there were times when he would find himself watching her for no reason he could comprehend. He had not remembered her smiles being so enjoyable to receive, or her unabashed happiness so welcome.

His reactions had been odd but not unsettling until he had realized what they could possibly mean. He had concerned himself with what would happen if he did not care for her as much as he had before, but it seemed that the greater danger lay in what would happen if he grew to care for her even more.

Just as he was about to rise to retire to his rooms, preferring to consider this particularly irritating train of thought in privacy, the demoness who had been directed to care for Rin entered the room. Even before he saw her demeanor, Sesshoumaru caught her scent, a mix of anxiety and some other nauseating smell that he recognized but could not identify.

Atsuhiko's brow had furrowed when she entered. "What is it?"

She bowed quickly, proceeding to speak with her head lowered. "My lords, it is Rin…" Her hands, already knotted together, tightened until they began to turn white. "I am afraid she has taken ill."

- - - -

She was burning.

Rin closed her eyes and pressed her forehead against the tatami, seeking the coolness of the floor beyond her futon. Only minutes ago, when Aoi had found her, she had felt like ice had been trying to flow through her veins.

It had seemed to crash into her body all at once, the ache and the cold that ran through her in waves. She had simply curled into a ball at the edge of the table until Aoi returned. Then there had been a flutter of activity too quick for her to follow, at the end of which she had found herself on her futon being covered by additional blankets that had appeared from nowhere. At the time she could have wept for the warmth they offered, little though it seemed; now she wished that she could find the strength to push them from her sweat-soaked body.

But she could not move. Even turning onto her stomach had made her lose her breath; she felt like she could sleep for a hundred years.

So, this was what it had been slowly spreading through her since that morning. All the little signs now made sense: her weariness regardless of her rest, the deep chill that had been so slow to relent, the fog in her mind. This was some sickness, an invisible malady to which so many humans seemed predisposed to succumb. In memories that flickered through her mind, tattered by time and battered by the delusions that were slowly crowding her consciousness, she remembered having been ill on several occasions. But never like this.

The heat was spreading, growing more intense until it consumed everything, a fire burning the edges of her awareness to ash. Even as her thoughts were being slowly pulled away, she felt a deep pang of embarrassment and regret; on the one occasion Lord Sesshoumaru honored her by allowing her to come with him on this journey, she had become ill.

But even these thoughts too slipped away until there was nothing left but feelings: the smooth ridges of the tatami beneath her forehead, the press of the blankets against the damp silk of her nagajuban, the burning of her blood.

It was at that moment that she felt what must have been the most divine thing she had ever encountered – something cool brushed against her cheek. It was hardly enough to drive away the heat before it lifted, only to return a moment later.

This time, however, it ran across the back of her neck, pushing her thick hair aside before resting at her shoulder. It was when there was another touch at her hip that she realized she was being turned onto her back, and she made an effort to open her eyes.

Yet even as she managed to hold them open for a moment before finally slipping into unconsciousness, her vision was full of white.

_White and cold_, some hazy part of her mind murmured. _It must be winter_.

- - - -

Finally, Rin was asleep.

Sesshoumaru sat next to her, observing the way her face finally relaxed, the furrowing of her brow slowly smoothing as her breathing deepened. The tension in her muscles was gradually relenting, allowing her exhausted body the first peace it had known in days.

The healer sitting on the opposite side now rose, moving silently through the room to speak to **Aoi, **who had constantly been present to provide any service she could render. For the most part she had been running errands -- getting new linens or heating more water, actions that hovered on the edge of notice. Distantly, Sesshoumaru felt a hint of gratefulness for her presence; she had saved him from sacrificing his dignity on a number of occasions over the past few days.

It wasn't until now, however, that he realized this. He would have done anything in his power to help Rin and would have accepted any effects this had on his reputation. He had never been able to keep from doing otherwise when it regarded her.

Watching the steady rise and fall of her chest now, it was hard to consider how ill she had truly been. There had been a few occasions when she had become sick before, but the only effects had been that she grew a little quieter, slept a little longer. She had always been able to continue with them, and had never made any complaint. Sesshoumaru had not been around humans enough to know that there was anything worse than what she had gone through in the past, and he figured that those cases that resulted in death must have been because of previous weakness or age.

Perhaps that was the reason he had felt a flare of panic when he had finally recognized the scent that lingered on **Aoi. ** It had suddenly become identifiable, although it was easy to explain why he had not been able to place it instantly; the intensity had been far greater any other occasion in which he had been exposed to it.

When he had finally reached her, his worries had instantly crystallized. Her scent, the rhythm of her heartbeat and her breathing, all those markers of her existence, had become so familiar to him that the dramatic change to them was obvious and jarring. In the time he had known her, her scent had twice been blotted out by the smell of death; now again, he had been able to catch the faint touch of it on the air.

A healer had arrived soon after him, and Sesshoumaru had been quietly excused from the room. In most situations, this dismissal would have made him irate, but he had been torn between his desire to stay and the impulse to leave. Even though it had been Rin, or perhaps because, watching her fight when he could do nothing to help had been maddening. While it was preposterous to consider learning the art of healing, the uselessness of all his skills and strength at that moment had been painfully clear.

It had been some hours later that **Aoi** cautiously approached his rooms, telling him that the healer had done all she could at present. When he had returned to Rin, he had felt the cautious hopes he had allowed himself to entertain dissipate. He had expected too much. While it seemed that perhaps the worst had passed, she had still been lost in the depths of the fever.

So regardless of the things that might be said, he had stayed by her side. The bitter fear of losing her had not yet drained from his veins, and he could not bring himself to appease his pride when her stability was still so fragile. When she finally awoke he would be able to see to those things his visit had originally concerned. But until then, he found it impossible to leave.

Sesshoumaru's attention moved to Rin as she sighed and turned onto her side, facing him. She was too pale, and he did not like the shadows that had formed under her eyes. It was so strange that just a few days could damage her to such an extent, but he supposed that he should not be surprised. Humans were such delicate creatures, formed of flesh that could be bruised and ruined as easily as petals. Even if they did manage to remain unharmed, their lives were still so short, hardly even a season in his eyes.

Watching the firelight paint false warmth into Rin's cheeks, he tried not to think of how she would be exactly the same.


	3. Chapter 3

This chapter is a bit shorter, but it's also being posted after a considerably shorter break than last time. Hopefully that counts for something!

* * *

It was only an hour or so before daybreak – there was no longer the complete stillness, and the heaviness of the night has just begun to bleach to indigo. Somewhere, one of the first of the spring birds gave a lonely call, and the hushed movements of servants preparing for the day were becoming more frequent.

Sesshoumaru had noticed all these things for the past four days he had stayed by Rin. But there was something different about the air today: there was no trace of the illness.

For the first time since she had become sick, the gray pallor to her skin had finally seemed to disappear and the restlessness that had marked her previous sleep had not been as noticeable. He had been relieved when she had finally broken through her deliriums to truly rest, but this now was as peaceful as any other night he had seen her sleep.

As he considered this, Rin shifted, frowning momentarily, before slowly opening her eyes. For a minute she stared at the ceiling above her, her expression flickering as she seemed to take in her surroundings, questions clear in her eyes, before she finally turned toward him.

She watched him, her eyes dark and tired, but finally alive, the light he had grown to secretly enjoy again glinting within them. For a moment, a touch of a smile spread across her lips, and this was so reassuring that he almost felt that he would smile back, had his demeanor allowed it.

"You stayed with me?" she finally breathed, voice soft from sleep and disuse.

Even though Sesshoumaru did not reply, something in his expression must have made it clear that he had for her smile instantly spread across her face. Distantly, he wondered when he had become so easy to read, or why it was that this human girl had managed to learn to do so.

As she smiled, though, a shadow seemed to cross her face. "I am sorry, Lord Sesshoumaru," she murmured.

He expected her to elaborate, to explain herself, but when she did not he found himself speaking. "Why?"

Now she looked at him, a hint of surprise coloring her expression as though she had thought that the answer was obvious. "For having inconvenienced you. You were supposed to come here for political matters, and because of me you have not been able to see to them."

This explanation would have been amusing except for the seriousness with which she had said it. "I have known Atsuhiko for many years. Most of what we were meeting to discuss is not critical, and none was time sensitive. He has not been concerned by the delay, and neither have I."

She did not look entirely convinced, watching him carefully as though she could find some sign to the contrary. "I still regret my weaknesses. I suppose many things would be simpler for you if I did not have them, or if I was not with you."

"You should realize by now that if they were such a burden, I would not allow you to follow me. Besides…" Sesshoumaru paused, wondering if he would say the further thoughts that lingered in his mind, before pressing on. "You would not have become sick if I had not left you in such weather."

She opened her mouth, likely to protest from the expression on her face, but his glance silenced her. Or, at least it did for a moment. "You do not really blame yourself, do you, my lord?" she asked, her voice falling to a pitch even quieter than before.

But while it might have been too soft for other humans to catch, he heard clearly. He considered her words and was surprised to find that he had unconsciously taken responsibility for her condition. She would not speak against his designs, so it was his duty to make sure that he did not lead her into a situation that could be harmful. It had been his careless oversight that had led to her illness.

It took a moment for him to notice the warm, soft weight resting against his hand. When he finally did, he looked at Rin, unsure about his reaction to this breach of his space, stilling completely under the unexpected contact. Even as a child, she had seemed to understand the boundaries between them and had been careful to maintain that distance. Once or twice she had been bold enough to cross that unspoken barrier, but all those instances had been years ago.

It was not her action that Sesshoumaru was concerned with, however, but his reaction to it. Even now, he knew that he enjoyed the touch of her small hand over his more than he should. Yet with nobody else to witness this moment of weakness, he did nothing to withdraw his hand, instead allowing it to remain where it rested.

But in permitting this, it raised all those questions he had carefully managed to avoid during his time at her side. And while he could guess at what the probable answers were, he was still unwilling to acknowledge them, yet alone accept them.

So he gently slipped his hand away from hers before carefully rising. It would be wise to leave, now that she was awake; he had had too much time to think about things better left alone.

Sesshoumaru did not need to see the expression on her face to sense her confusion. "You have been ill for many days, Rin," he said as he approached the screen leading from her rooms. "It would be wise if you tried to rest until your servant returns."

She did not say anything as he left, shutting the screen wordlessly behind him.

- - - -

Rin drew her hand back toward her body, cradling it near her heart as Lord Sesshoumaru left the room. In the back of her mind, she knew that she must have been blushing, but she was too preoccupied to dwell on it.

She had upset him. For a moment, she had actually dared to believe having done something as impudent as touching him would not have any repercussions, that perhaps such an action could be acceptable given his present disposition. Of course she should never have been so audacious.

She had not really been thinking when she had laid her hand over his; had she been any stronger, she probably would have done something as appalling as attempt to embrace him. Thankfully, her body had managed to provide the barrier her mind had not supplied.

Yet even though her good sense had now awoken from the darkness that had blanketed her mind, Rin could not prevent the small smile that crossed her face. She could not remember the last time she had been able to touch Lord Sesshoumaru, although she was well aware that it had not been for years. Time had made her at least decent at protecting herself in some manner or other, and his intervention had not been as necessary. While she was glad that she could at least do something to make herself not quite as useless, she had missed those rare occasions when she could be near him.

Perhaps it had just been too much, waking up with him there. Of course, there had never been another situation when she had been so ill – while she did not know how long she had slept, or what exactly had occurred, the lingering lethargy in her muscles told her that it had been a difficult fight – she still would not have anticipated that he would be watching over her.

The surprise had not lingered, however, quickly giving way to the delighted joy his unexpected presence had provided. Considering it, that had probably also limited her inhibitions; it was always hard to think clearly when she was so happy.

But she had apparently let her feelings get away from her. After he had done something so kind for her, she had instantly turned around and demanded more of him. She was well aware of the space he maintained between himself and everybody else. It had been unfair to cross that boundary.

Even so, Rin could not help but wish that, in her case, things would have been different. Frowning at herself, she turned over and stared into the shadows of her room, wondering when, or if, he would return.


	4. Chapter 4

Yey, longer chapter! Only one more after this!

* * *

"Ah!" Rin sighed, looking out the open screens at the gardens. "It will be a beautiful spring!"

Aoi smiled at her, surveying the view as well. "Yes, I think so. The plum trees have already bloomed, but they are on the other side of the palace, I'm afraid. Judging by how thick the flowers are, though, in a few more weeks the cherry trees should be very full."

Rin nodded, able to see the hints of buds already dotting the otherwise barren trees. "I'm happy that I will at least be able to see those, then," she smiled. "It would be rather hard to miss everything; spring has always been my favorite season."

"I can imagine." Laughing, Aoi rose and crossed the room, sitting near Rin's futon. "Now that I have opened the screens as you requested, you must tell me how you are feeling today."

Frowning, Rin turned her gaze back to the outdoors. She had deluded herself into believe that it could be possible to distract Aoi from her daily question, but, of course, this was impossible. The demoness always managed to steer the conversation back to this topic, regardless of how often Rin tried to digress.

"I'm fine."

"That's what you always say, but I don't believe you then, either." Aoi's brow furrowed slightly, a mix of worry and exasperation. "For all your talk of feeling fine, you haven't managed to stand yet, and you still hardly eat more than a bowl of rice in the course of the day. Are we really so poor at preparing human food?"

"Oh no, I just really like rice," Rin tried, smiling, until it was clear that Aoi remained unconvinced. "It's just hard to feel up to eating anything," she finally admitted.

"It will be hard for you to get better if you do not at least make an attempt to eat. You've already been here over two weeks, you know."

Wordlessly, Rin nodded. For the better part of a week, she had managed to get past any serious chastisement on the fact that she had just barely broken through her illness, but that no longer seemed to be a satisfactory excuse. She supposed that such was probably valid. Perhaps if she applied herself, she would have been strong enough to sit up. But it had just been so difficult to find the will to do so when she knew she would heal eventually. Besides, it made no difference if she was in a state to travel or not; Lord Sesshoumaru was still busy in discussions with the lord and other nobles who had arrived from nearby areas.

Or, at least she tried to tell herself that he was busy. She knew that he must be doing something, but the truth of the matter was that she had no idea what that was. Aoi had told her about other guests who had arrived, so it seemed likely that they were present for similar reasons. Still, since she had not seen him since the day she had awoken, there was nothing she truly knew where it concerned him.

Although Rin tried to hold back the thoughts, it was impossible. They had slipped in and out of her mind so often that it almost seemed that they wished to become a permanent feature unless something changed.

Why had he not come back to see her? While she usually would have had no expectations, finding him there when she had awoken had made it difficult to remain so. Subtle as it might have been, she would swear that she had heard concern in his voice, and it did not seem possible that the momentary softening of his features could have been no more than the play of light and shadow on his face.

Yet, the fact that she had neither seen nor heard anything from him since then seemed to indicate otherwise. Even Jaken had stumbled in on two or three occasions, complaining and grumbling the whole time at such a level that Rin had to smile; it was such an obvious attempt at retaining an appearance of nonchalance in regards to her condition that she could have hugged him.

Still, she could not help but feel that she was being avoided by Lord Sesshoumaru. While she hated to even think such a thing, there really did not seem to be any other explanation. Her head had been spinning with all the reasons why this could be: she had disappointed him, or had bought dishonor upon him, or had finally become too much of a nuisance to be around anymore.

"Rin?"

She started as she was brought back to the present, turning to look at Aoi after blinking. "I'm sorry; I did not hear you."

"That's alright," Aoi said as she stood. "I just asked what you would like for your breakfast."

Rin understood the hidden message, but knew that it still would have no effect on her response. With a half-hearted smile, she replied. "A bowl of rice?"

Aoi nodded, but did not return the smile.

- - - -

The maid's scent had been lingering in the hall for at least five minutes before she finally knocked at the entrance to Sesshoumaru's rooms.

For a minute, he considered ignoring her; there was nothing urgent in the timid knocks, so it was not a pressing manner. If it was important enough, she could return later or make sure that a message reached him. But then she knocked again, and he decided that rather than see how long she would wait – it was clear that she must have picked up his scent, too – he would simply eliminate the annoyance of having her at his door.

He opened the screen and looked down at her silently, impatient and irritated. She was staring down at a bowl of rice cradled in her hands, fingers tapping the sides in clear discomfort. Sesshoumaru was not particularly moved by her state, and continued to wait for her to speak of the reason for her presence.

Finally she dared to look up a few inches, glancing at his face for a second before staring at some space over his left shoulder. "I truly hope you will forgive my forwardness," she managed slowly, eyes once again falling to the floor. "But there is a matter about which I would like to speak to you."

"Rin."

What else could it be? The demoness was directly overseeing Rin's care, a task that required the entirety of her time. There could be nothing else she had in common with him, and when she nodded it confirmed his suspicions. "She has recovered very little since she woke up, and she eats so rarely that it cannot be healthy. I thought that if perhaps you visited her…"

"I do not see how my presence could cause her to improve," he replied, unable to decide if he was amused or annoyed with the idea that he could have such beneficial effects on somebody.

Even though she did not look up, he still saw the flash in her eyes. "Perhaps it is hard for you to see because you do not know what she is like when she cannot be with you?"

Finally, Sesshoumaru frowned. The conversation was too personal, about things too private. "You know nothing of this situation."

He was just about the shut the screen when she seemed to again find her voice. "No, I cannot claim to know much about the history or connection between you. But it is not necessary for me to know that to tell that she is miserable, and at this point it is too late for the cause to only be her illness."

"And what would the purpose of seeing her be?"

"Because I think she misses you."

Sesshoumaru did not reply, because he had to admit to the likely truth of this. There had been times where she had not seen him for a few weeks, but that had always been anticipated and unavoidable. This time, it would have been easy for him to see her, if he had wished. Although it was still difficult to understand Rin's emotions a times, he supposed that it was possible that she could miss him.

He had thought only of the peace it could provide him if he could distance himself from her, forgetting to consider how it would affect her. It was too difficult to sort the subtle threads of his thoughts and emotions when he was around her; being near her was, more often than not, the reason he had to reassess himself so frequently in such a manner. But she would not have known this, and he could only guess how she would view his absence.

The demoness was still standing nervously, looking as though she was repeatedly catching herself from speaking further.

"Is that for her?"

Her head snapped up, considering Sesshoumaru and then the hand with which he had pointed to the bowl of rice she carried. "Yes."

He turned his hand, holding it out toward her silently. For a moment she seemed confused, unable to understand the wordless command, until she hurried over and set the bowl and chopsticks in his outstretched palm.

"I will bring this to her. Your assistance will not be necessary."

He did not wait for a response, and she did not make any as he moved past her and made his way through the halls to Rin's room. Along the way, Sesshoumaru did not see anyone else; perhaps it was because of this that he did not think of how ridiculous he probably looked until he had opened the screen and stepped into her room.

It only occurred upon seeing the clear expression of surprise on Rin's face. Her mouth opened slightly as though she would speak, but ultimately she did nothing but blink at him. For a moment, he felt uncomfortable standing there, holding a bowl of rice and a pair of chopsticks, until he brushed it away and knelt by her side. "Your servant has said that you will not eat."

This seemed to wake her from her surprise, and she quickly looked away, avoiding his eyes. "I _have_ eaten…" she murmured.

He considered her, noting that the shadows he had seen before continued to linger on her face, still too gaunt. "Not enough."

She bit her lip, looking as though she was desperately trying to conceal her embarrassment, before sighing. In that moment, she looked so utterly weary that he felt a spark of fear that she would become ill again. "I am sorry if I displeased you."

It was a simple enough comment; she had said such things on many occasions before. Yet this time there was something about her tone, a heaviness in her voice that gave it weight beyond what was directly being said. Perhaps she did regret not eating, but that was not what she was truly apologizing for.

She was such a strange creature; he could spend hours trying to understand what she meant, but that would not make him any closer to actually discovering her intent. At the same time, however, he knew that what she really meant did not matter; he could not remember ever having been upset with her, and he could think of no reason why he would be so in the present.

"It is inconsequential," Sesshoumaru said quietly, setting the bowl and chopsticks down next to her before finally sitting completely. "Now, eat."

She did not hesitate before turning to her side, carefully trying to push herself up into a sitting position. Slowly, she started to rise, but the effort required to do so was clearly sapping what little strength she had.

It was an unconscious action, simply impulse, when he reached out and slipped his arm behind her shoulders. For a moment he felt her muscles stiffen before relaxing and allowing him to help her rise the remained of the way, and that was the same moment when he was again reminded of the dangers of allowing such contact.

But this time, the only thing he noticed was how frail she seemed, requiring no effort to support. Even through her clothing, he could still feel the sharpness of her bones beneath her skin, and he was once again hit with the realization of how serious her illness had been.

Carefully he withdrew his arm before the pause caused by his surprise grew too long to be easily explained away. He handed her the rice and chopsticks, unable to tell if she had found his actions strange, her head bent so that her hair shadowed her eyes.

The silence between them was uncomfortable for a moment, but slowly it melted away, the disappearance of frost beneath the sun. Gradually, Rin's chatty nature began to appear again as she thanked him for coming, and commented on the hint of warmth in the air, and complained that she was likely missing out on everything she enjoyed about spring.

"There will be flowers blooming for a number of weeks more," he replied when she mentioned that Aoi had seen the plum trees blooming.

She poked around in her bowl, chasing the last few grains of rice distractedly. "I know, but it's just so much more fun to watch everything bloom. Spring comes so gradually – one day one thing will be blooming, and then the next three will be there, and soon it's like everything is flowering. There's a sort of anticipation in watching everything progress like that."

"Can you not have the same effect later?"

"Well, I suppose I could," she conceded, nodding. "But what about those things that will not bloom for very long? What if I miss them? I'm so close to them here; it might take a bit of effort on my part, but if I tried I would be able to overcome any difficulties to enjoy them while it's possible."

He did not reply to this; he had already spoken much more than he generally would have. By now, Rin did not seem to mind the silence, instead finishing what little was left of her rice and placing the bowl on the floor.

"Well, did I do satisfactorily?" she asked with a lopsided grin.

He gave a short nod and picked up the empty bowl before rising. "Continue to eat your meals so that you will be well enough to see your flowers."

Her smile widened as she lay down again. "I will do so, Lord Sesshoumaru."

When he had exited the room, he handed the bowl to Aoi, who had been waiting in the hall for the past few minutes. Initially she looked surprised to find the bowl empty, but then a slow smile spread across her face. "I have not seen her eat this much since she awoke."

While she did not say it, he understood that the true message she was relaying was that his presence had been the reason why Rin had eaten. He would have felt irritated that she would confirm her earlier words in such a way, but strangely could not find the desire to be so. Although it could not have been described as happiness, there was a subtle feeling of contentment pervading his thoughts. And as little as he would have liked to admit it, he knew that it had everything to do with having seen Rin again.

- - - -

Rin hummed to herself as she watched the sun rise the next morning, staining the sky with watery blue before pressing delicate fingers of peach against the clouds and distant mountains. Even though Aoi had only allowed her screens to be opened a few inches, worrying about what effect the morning chill might have, Rin was satisfied even with that small sliver. After so many days stuck inside, any view outside was more than welcome.

Once the sun finally crested the mountains, she returned to lying on her back as she waited for Aoi to bring her breakfast. For the first time, she had actually requested that it be brought, and had even asked for more than just rice. Lord Sesshoumaru had been right, of course; if she truly did wish to see the flowers before they were gone, she needed to regain her strength.

This was what she told herself was her motivation in trying to eat again, but she knew that the real reason was because Lord Sesshoumaru had told her to do so. And, more importantly, he had returned.

Even though it had been the day before, she still found herself smiling over having seen him. He could not have been irritated with her as she had expected.

At that moment Aoi returned, baring a tray full of a variety of foods; apparently she had not been able to decide exactly what she should bring. The slightly sheepish smile on her face seemed to confirm this as she came to sit near Rin. "It is very hard sometimes to tell what humans care to eat," she said as way of explaining as she rearranged the handful of dishes for Rin.

Rin just smiled and turned her attention to the foods, trying to see what had been brought. It did not take long, however, before her attention was distracted. A small branch clustered with flowers was lying in the corner of the tray, and she carefully reached to pick it up.

"What is that?" she asked.

"Some of the plum blossoms, I believe," Aoi said distractedly.

Sighing, Rin shook her head. "I mean why is it here?"

Aoi finally seemed to pull herself from her tasks and glanced at the flowers. "For part of your spring."

"What?"

"That's what Lord Sesshoumaru said when he left them," she said before returning to fussing over breakfast.

But for Rin, breakfast had been utterly forgotten.


	5. Chapter 5

Well, here is the final chapter! I hope that it is a satisfactory ending and that you have enjoyed it. Thank you to those who have reviewed -- I appreciate that more than you probably know!

* * *

While her plum blossoms had gradually wilted, Rin had received three other sprigs to replace it over the next week or so: a peony, a narcissus, and a branch of peach blossoms

While her plum blossoms had gradually wilted, Rin had received three other sprigs to replace it over the next week or so: a peony, a narcissus, and a branch of peach blossoms. Some of the flowers were growing in parts of the garden that she could see, like the peony, but she had already decided that their beauty paled in comparison to that of the flowers Lord Sesshoumaru had given her.

She leaned back against the wall, considering the flowers and trying to decipher their meaning for the hundredth time. She could not think that Lord Sesshoumaru really meant anything by the gesture, but the fact that he had done it was, by itself, strange. He had not brought any of them to her personally, but had done nothing to conceal the fact that he was the one who gathered them. For all her musing on the subject, she had never gotten any closer to understanding what had led him to do something that seemed so at odds with his usual character.

Of course, Rin could never have asked him about it. It was a gift enough that he was doing such a thing for her; she did not want to taint it by looking too much into it. Not that she had even been given the chance to do so, since he had not returned for the past week.

This time, however, she did not mind, since even though he did not come personally, she knew that he was thinking about her. That was enough, at least for the present.

She stretched, fighting the drowsiness that had been sneaking up on her for the past hour or so. For the first time since she had been sick, she had been able to get up long enough to manage washing and dressing properly. Even though the routine had been tiring, she also felt infinitely better now that she was clean. She had even thought at one point that she might risk standing for a time, but had soon realized that such would not be a prudent decision.

So for now Rin was content to merely sit, even if she required the wall to support her. Stiffness that had crept into her muscles from being still for so long seemed to be loosening as she gently tested the condition of her body. She smiled wryly at the thinness of her arms and the boniness of her hands; her mentor at the palace probably would have been pleased to see that the muscles she had found so repulsive in a woman were considerably smaller.

Sighing, Rin returned her hands to her lap and looked outside, wondering if it was realistic to think she would be able well enough to enjoy any of the spring for herself.

- - - -

Sesshoumaru had no idea what flower to pick.

Rin had been right; within the last week, a handful of the previously blooming flowers had started to wilt. At the same time, however, it seemed like twice as many were starting to open. He had not realized that there were so many different flowers.

Having never noticed the variety of flowers, he also knew nothing about them. They had played no role in his concerns before, and any knowledge about them would have been superfluous. Besides, flowers were what made spring his least favorite season; the saturation of the air with a thousand different smells could become so overpowering that at times he would wish he could cover his nose.

Regardless of this, Sesshoumaru now found himself staring at the tiny white flowers of some unknown plant, trying to decide on which one would be best. Somehow, he could not imagine Rin caring much about the condition of the flowers – that tended to be her nature – but for himself he did not want to spend time on something so ridiculous for an inferior item.

He had just decided and snapped the stalk of the flower when Atsuhiko walked up to him. "This is not exactly the sort of hobby I would expect from you," he said, voice colored with amusement as he idly flicked one of the nearby blooms. "Although, I suppose it is not for yourself."

Sesshoumaru glanced at him from the corner of his eyes. "I am not in the mood for your feigned conjectures. You understand perfectly well what I am doing and for whom without my confirmation."

"All the same, I do hate to assume."

While he knew this to be untrue, Sesshoumaru did not feel like continuing the conversation; already it had been too long. He moved to walk past Atsuhiko, but the other demon quickly stepped into his path, sparking the first flicker of irritation. Many had died for lesser offences than blocking his way. It was the fact that the humor usually coloring Atsuhiko's expression was no longer there, instead replaced by a serious thoughtfulness, that made him pause.

"Since you truly do seem so adverse to indirect speech, I suppose that gives me leave to speak my mind freely." His eyes slowly dropped to the flower hanging from Sesshoumaru's fingers before he sighed, folding his arms within his sleeves. "I told you, when you arrived, that I wished to know what the girl meant to you. And while you would not tell me, I believe you have revealed the answer nonetheless."

Whatever Sesshoumaru had believed Atsuhiko would speak of, this was far from it. That was not, however, the unsettling part. He had no desire to even have this topic again brought to his attention. "I will not have this discussion," he said coldly, finally moving past Atsuhiko towards the palace.

"I guessed that you would not want to, but continuing to avoid the subject as you have will not allow either of you to have peace. Really, knowing as much of your temperament as I do makes it difficult for me to comprehend how you have been able to deny yourself for so long – I'm sure it has not been a pleasant experience. Am I not right?"

Sesshoumaru paused, feeling the poison pool in his fingers. "You cannot presume to understand my thoughts or motives now. We may have known each other as youths, but we have not walked the same path for centuries."

"Yet that does not mean that you have changed significantly since then," Atsuhiko said calmly. "You have always remained distant from others, but you have never been unreachable. The difference now seems to be that you refuse to acknowledge when such things happen."

"There is nothing to acknowledge."

"If that were so, I do not think you would be out here picking flowers." Silence followed his words, broken only by the soft rustle of the wind through the young plants around them. "The flowers she enjoys fade so quickly, but it is easy to find new ones." Atsuhiko's voice was now soft, so quite that it almost faded in the distance between them as he returned to the path into the garden. "I do not think she will be so effortless to replace."

- - - -

Rin swung her legs absently as they hung over the edge of the walkway, letting her heels tap out a rhythm with her humming. She tried to breathe as much of the cooling air as she could, drawing in her surroundings on this first day she had managed to get outside in weeks.

Everything seemed so much more vibrant than she remembered. The sun was obscured by some trees that had already managed to put out their leaves, dark nets catching the peach light of dusk. The soft croon of a nesting bird sounded somewhere in the distance as she watched the thin moon start to pull itself over the horizon.

Inside there was the low hiss of the screen being opened, and Rin sighed. She supposed it would be impossible to argue with Aoi when she had been allowed to sit outside so much longer than the time they had agreed upon. The demoness had even let her eat her dinner there instead of pressing that she return inside, perhaps accurately realizing that being outside had made Rin feel better than she had in a long time.

"I must speak with you."

The swinging of her legs paused, surprised at the voice that greeted her ears. Almost disbelieving, she turned and looked over her shoulder, her eyes trying to adjust to the shadows inside.

Sesshoumaru's pale figure reflected what little light shown in from the gathering darkness as he made his way through the room. He came outside and stepped down into the soft grass below before looking down at her. "Can you walk?"

Forcing her mind to absorb the situation, Rin shook her head. "I… I do not know. I mean, I came this far so I can a little, but I don't really know how much."

"There are too many curious ears in a palace, but we will not go far." Slowly, he raised his hand toward her. "I will help you."

Although Rin had believed that she'd managed to catch up with what was happening, she now felt even more lost than during the surprise of his arrival. Wordlessly, thoughts still spinning, she slid her hand into his and allowed him to help her rise.

Even though she could not go very fast, he patiently slowed his pace to match hers. It was rather sudden when she finally felt the weariness, and it was with both thankfulness and embarrassment that she relied increasingly on his strength to help her as they continued. She could not look up at him when it became necessary for her to hold his arm with both hands, the heat of her blush almost enough to rival that of her fever.

They seemed to reach the location he had intended, and Rin finally considered her surroundings. As she did, she felt the smile start to cross her face. "The cherry trees are blooming!" she exclaimed, glancing up quickly at Lord Sesshoumaru.

He nodded, eyes remaining on the distance. "Many things are."

This topic was relaxed, undemanding. For all the strangeness of his appearance and their walk there, everything seemed perfectly natural now, loosening her tongue. "I'm sure you have become well aware of that," Rin replied, smile becoming softer. "I have meant to thank you for those flowers, Lord Sesshoumaru. I cannot express how happy I was to receive them; while I suppose it is possible to live without all those things, I would much rather not. It is things like that which make life pleasant."

Now he did look down at her, something flashing deep in his eyes that she could not identify. Under this intensity, she suddenly felt awkward, wishing that she was not so weak that she could not stand apart from him; it seemed likely that his proximity played a role in how she now felt.

She found herself rambling, the lengthening silence becoming unbearable. "It is likely just a human thing, to enjoy flowers and spring so much. It's just that, to me at least, it reminds me of how fragile everything is, and yet how much more beautiful that makes it, too. The memories of spring are the ones I carry with me through the rest of the year. I suppose seasons mean very little to you, but surely there are memories that remain with you?"

After a long minute, he finally answered, voice softer than was his usual manner. "I did not used to care for memories. But I believe that has changed."

"Why?" she wondered, trying to think of what could compel Lord Sesshoumaru to change something of that nature.

Again, there was that touch of emotion in his eyes. "Because I want to remember you."

- - - -

Sesshoumaru watched the shock flicker clearly across her face. While he remained unmoved, speaking his words calmly, he could not recall having ever felt so uncomfortable. These matters were not the ones he dealt with or understood – it was because of this ignorance that he found himself in the position he was now.

He had spent the entirety of the day in the mountains around the palace, wishing to be far from everyone, everything. It was too difficult to think when Atsuhiko's words still rang so clearly in his ears, and where the person they concerned was so near. There was too much interference to be able to make any decision, and so he had returned to what had always been a refuge from distraction.

By that time of the year, most of the birds had apparently returned, so there had not been the silence for which Sesshoumaru had hoped. All the same, it was so much quieter than the palace, and the higher he had climbed, the more he distanced himself, the deeper the silence became.

But it also became heavier, strangely less comforting than he had anticipated. He had realized that he could not remember the last time he had gone somewhere simply to be alone. There had been numerous occasions when he was by himself, taking on journeys that it would be hazardous for the others to accompany. Yet all those instances had not been for the sake of being alone, and as he walked through the barren trees, still untouched by the warmth below, he had realized that he did not want to be alone.

That was not to say that he could not exist in such a way. He depended on no one, and the majority of his life had been spent on his own. It was in many ways simpler to rely only on his skills, to have no other considerations but what he willed, to have none of the weight that went with companionship. But, looking back, he had found that caring for Rin had not been the irritation he might have found it in his youth. In fact, those things about her that might have been annoyances – the ridiculous songs and dawdling for flowers, vivid emotions and compulsive actions – were what had made it impossible to send her away.

Sesshoumaru would have never concerned himself with her had she not pulled her bruised and swollen face into such a joyful smile that day long ago. How she could smile in such a condition had been confusing enough, but the fact that she had smiled at him had been nearly shocking. Nobody smiled at him in such a manner, so freely and with such genuine happiness.

But that, he realized now, had been the beginning of the end. The warmth of that one simple gesture had managed to thaw something within him without his notice, and time had only continued the work of that first moment. In allowing Rin to stay, he had made himself susceptible to her, to the luxury of her unwavering devotion, to the satisfaction of being the only one for whom she smiled so brightly.

Unconsciously, she had melted the coldness he had grown accustomed to feeling and had made something grow in its place. He had not even been able to resist because it had been so gradual, so unexpected and unwanted. Yet, now that he knew, now that he could no longer deny that he loved her, he had been able to see so clearly how it had happened.

And he had realized that he did not want to deny it anymore, either to himself or to her. Sesshoumaru had always feared that the weakness of his father would become his own, that he would sacrifice everything that had been important to him for something so transient. But he now realized what his father must have known; those things he had thought of as important would still exist in decades, even centuries, from now, but the one thing that suddenly meant more to him than anything else ever had would not.

With his decisions made, he had returned to the palace, going to her room. He had immediately known where he wished to speak with her, and had brought her to finally see those flowers she anticipated every year. The color had almost completely drained from the sky by now, stars shining as the sunlight was pulled into the west.

Rin was still looking at him carefully, her eyes bright and curious as they met his. Her stillness as she clearly waited for him to continue almost matched that of the twilight around them; he had not heard her exhale in the long moment since he spoke.

Part of him wished to look away to speak further, almost distracted by the intensity of her gaze. For as much as he had considered what he would say while he had returned, how he would approach the things he had realized, it now seemed impossible to recall them.

"There have been few people in my life who I have found worth considering," he finally said slowly. "Of those, there have hardly been any I took any interest in knowing. But there have been none I wished to remember, before you."

If it had not been for the pressure of Rin's fingers against his arm as she held him tighter, Sesshoumaru might have thought that she had not heard him. A part of him had expected her to have said something by now, but he had to accept that doing so would have been against her nature. It was not often that he spoke so much to her, but whenever he had, she would simply listen to his every word quietly, reverently, just as she was now.

Yet this was different, even if she did not speak. Slowly, he raised his hand to her throat, carefully resting it again the pulse the fluttered beneath her delicate skin. It was merely physical proof, reassurance to what he had heard; without touching her, he had still caught the speeding of her heartbeat. And now, looking back into her eyes, he suddenly found that he could identify the light that was half hidden in their depths.

Sesshoumaru moved his hand to her face, brushing his fingers against her cheek. Without the uncertainty that had plagued him, he could allow himself to indulge in these things he had longed for but never allowed. "I want to have more memories of you, Rin."

One of her own hands rose now and pressed softly against his as she leaned forward against him. This close, only the top of her dark head was visible, preventing him from guessing at her thoughts in the long moment she remained silent.

"I have so little time in which to make memories," she finally said, the forced composure in her voice tattering as tears fell against his hand.

For a moment, Sesshoumaru fought against the shadow of pain that her words inspired. He knew that this would be nothing in comparison to what he would feel when he did lose her if he did not accept the escape she was offering now, if he continued to pursue this.

He stepped back slightly, turning her face up toward his. "That is why I do not want to waste any more time."

A flicker of a smile spread across Rin's face before he leaned down, kissing her gently. He committed every detail to memory: her soft intake of breath, the warmth of her lips, the mix of her scent and the cherry blossoms. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her as close as he could, trying to draw in every fragment of this moment, trying to hold onto every piece of it so that it would last.

When she gradually returned the kiss, timid and unsure, Sesshoumaru suddenly knew that choices and decisions no longer existed, that this had likely been inevitable from the start. For, although winter could try to hold onto its iciness, the slow touch of spring was impossible to avoid, something as gentle as flowers and sunlight always tempering the cold.


End file.
